You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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