your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
