Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
