He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
smell my finger.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
