FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
