Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
only you would photoshop your dick
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
