u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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