We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
