I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
