vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
