is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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