I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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