Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
