Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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