You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
