I need help removing her.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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