He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
