i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
