If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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