I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
