I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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