I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
