I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
