I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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