the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
