Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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