I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
