Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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