you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
