I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
