I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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