Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
