Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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