I just pynch a tree in the face
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
