We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
