you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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