Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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