I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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