you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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