What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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