I can tuck mytits in my pants
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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