omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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