i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
