oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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