It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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