I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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