I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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