We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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