between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
