Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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