you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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