her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
