So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
