Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
