i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
home. puking in laundry basket.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize