im having a threesome with these popsicles
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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