Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
