If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
