Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
