I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
