Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
