thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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