Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
