HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
