You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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