Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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