K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
