the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
